You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
