You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
