he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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