OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
