I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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