he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
