I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
