i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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