Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Say something about gay babies.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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