last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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