i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
