My balls are so social today.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
