Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
