Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
