i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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