I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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