now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
