Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone shit on the floor
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
