Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
