i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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