Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
