I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
