I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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