I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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