Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
