so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
