Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
