SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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