WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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