worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
