I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
