the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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