So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
