He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
