Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
