quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
