I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
