i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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