im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
