Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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