I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
