Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
