you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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