i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
