You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
