Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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