My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
