Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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