I'm lost and stupid without you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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