PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
