At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
