Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
