these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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