The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
