Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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