Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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