Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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