I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
