Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
