Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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