Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
