I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
