you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
