dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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