its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
