i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
