let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We just shotgunned beers for America
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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