how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
