READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
