You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
