I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
