My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
